It hurts

Grief. Hope.

Photo by Matt Hanns Schroeter on Unsplash

The hurt comes

Unexpected. 

Sharp. 

Flowing sideways

Like torrential rain

To knock me over 

To drown my words. 

I have nothing to say

Over this gale of pain

As it slices to my core. 

It steals my breath

Seizes my heart 

Arrests my thoughts,

Til my words are no more. 

No turn of phrase

Can turn this news 

Into good news. 

With a doctor’s pitying stare, 

The bad report arrives.

It’s time to hurry up and wait,

A surgeon’s schedule isn’t light. 

Mortality and eternity,

Death and life, 

Grappling in the ongoing fight

Of the now

And the not yet. 

Of what is

And what is to come.

A punching, bruising whirlwind of burden

That catches humanity in its path. 

Underneath grating fluorescent lights

An unholy boxing match,

The paradox of this fallen life. 

My heart is black and blue,

And it all feels unfair. 

Lord, hear this daughter’s desperate prayers!  

Because positive vibes 

And arrogant demands

Have never known

How to save a life. 

There’s nowhere else to go,

So I run with confidence to your throne!

I throw myself at Your feet,

El Roi, the God Who Sees. 

Plead in front of Your mercy seat

Save her, O Lord! 

Heal her, O God! 

For You control our destinies. 

Grief and hope hold hands,

In this waiting room. 

I’m not confident in much,

But I am confident in You. 

I am certain that You hear me,

Elohim Shama! 

My spirit groans,

But I’m not alone 

For you are God With Us. 

You have not forgotten Your children,

El Shaddai,

My God Almighty,

It’s Your heart I seek. 

It’s Your grace that brings relief

From this crushing grief

From the weight of this world

Broken by sin

Threatening to undo us from within. 

Even in all of this,

In every predicament,

I know my Redeemer lives!

Jehovah Rapha, God our healer,

The One I desperately need. 

Yahweh,

Abba! Father!

Jesus, my Prince of Peace. 

You promised we’d have trouble,

And here it is, Lord,

It’s arrived. 

But You are never behind,

You are always right on time. 

I will choose to rejoice,

Whether You heal or You don’t, 

Though my soul is weary, 

Though these worries ebb and flow,

There’s a truth I always know:

Wherever I go

There You are. 

So what else is there to do? 

I pray

I praise 

I listen

I wait. 

Focus my eyes above the tidal wave. 

For You, Oh Lord, direct my path.

The past

The present

The future 

I surrender all to You. 

I rest in You. 

Amen.