I dream of you

a poem about addiction and its devastating consequences

Photo by Michiel Leunens on Unsplash

Last night,
I dreamed of you.
 
A tranquil dream
Where you were smiling,
Happy,
Free.

You saw me,
Your face filled with peace. 
Politely, you excused yourself,
From your conversation
With friendly angels.
You walked toward me,
I wanted to speak,
But I had no words. 

You wore red scrubs,
A doctor? A healer?
I wondered. 
Were you a helper,
In your heavenly realm?
A flourishing soul,
With divine purpose now?

You reached out a hand.

I took it,
Amazed.

I shook it,
In awe,

That you stood before me
Whole. 
Healed. 

There was excitement,
Recognition in your eyes, 
That I hadn’t seen
Since we were teens. 

Your face so young,
Like when you died.
Your precious life cut short,
At just 32, 
A tragic, swift end.
Hitting a cruel tree,
Too fast, 
Around a cruel bend,
Under a cruel influence. 

I remember your life,
Face flushed 
Speech slurred
Movements sluggish.
One too many nightcaps,
Though you never could wait 
For sunset,
“It’s always 5 o’clock 
Somewhere,” 
You mumble, 
Hands shaking,
As you pour another. 

Though the clock ran out 
Permanently,
That day,
Addiction had slowly 
Taken you away,
Bit by bit. 
Day by day.
Mile by dangerous mile.

A struggle of avoiding
What you could never face. 
Shoving down,
Muffling emotions,
Stifling traumas,
You could never quite drown,
At the bottom 
Of the bottle. 

But in my dreams,
You are happy,
Free. 
An alternate future,
A happier reality. 
A life where love is freely given,
Where potential is realized,
And brokenness is healed. 
Maybe a life in service to others.
A sober, joyful, LONG life. 
I wish it was true. 

But it’s not. 

So tonight, 
I will dream of you.

--AW